One Drunk's Tale

Posted on April 6, 2024 by Nelson

Believe it or not…

Yup, I’m still here, and still drunk. Well, not as much as before. In fact, if all goes well, I’ll be off the bottle within the next couple of weeks.

I’m optimistic because I have had so much help from my therapist especially, but also my doctor, who has been so diligent to keep me accountable to her for my health. Well, I may have some heart issues arising, that may or may not be related to the booze. We’ll find out about that soon…

In the meantime, if there is anyone still here who used to follow me, things are looking good. Seriously. I’ll be posting more over the next few weeks, of course.

Blessings,

Nelson

Posted on October 28, 2023 by Nelson

Nightmares creeping…

Wishing for the end of war! The worlds in shit, not that it ever wasn’t, but I’m getting up to speed on the whole Israeli shemozzel — pun intended.

They’re going in guns a blazing, and totally razing the land that they think is theirs. God given, they say, back in the day — what, now 3 or 4 thousand years ago? What a show.

I thought, in this day and age, we might be past, histories last gruesome human slaughter. But seems not. Religion runs deep, as does revenge, into our sleep where the nightmares await to haunt us.

All we can do is hope for the best. As for the rest, pray for peace in the Middle East as death reins down upon the innocents. In torrents so fast, so deep so wide how dare we sleep while their blood pours down throughout their streets?

And yet we do, like the honeydew, sickly sweet. Revenge knows no end to it’s vile quest, despite our doing our very best to help, to heal, to bring them peace!

Alas no, our nightmares creep.

Nelson

Posted on October 22, 2023 by Nelson · 1 Comment

Update on the uptake…

Well, I have made progress! I managed to get myself down to just 3 drinks per day over a span of 5 days! Unbelievable. I…er…was…feeling so much better, sleeping better, my blood pressure normalized – total win!

Then, well, then I should have taken the Antabuse one day and been done with it, but I hesitated. I think my old psychological nemesis Jerry reared his ugly head and said I should just go out and have one more night on the town, and THEN do it. So I did it. The night on the town, that is.

So, I’m not back to square one! Not quite. I’ve learned from this experience. Now I know when to jump and take the Antabuse. And so, ok, it’s going to take me another week or so to “get back on the program”. MY program, not AA’s. I’m ok with that. I’ve been working at this MF for years – another week or two won’t kill me – I hope.

But it could, of course, kill me. I know that. I’ve seen many people taken by alcoholism, during my tenure. I’m one of the lucky ones, so far. God help me.

Nelson.

Posted on October 15, 2023 by Nelson · 1 Comment

Sober, sort of…

Or maybe I’m sort of sober? I wasn’t sure how to title this come-back post today. Well, it’s early in the day, so I am sober, and not hungover, especially because last night I had only 4 drinks — FOUR! That’s down from my usual 6, occasional 7 and sometimes 8. Part of me is high though — my blood pressure, it’s 145/95 this morning. Whoa! That is high, especially the 95 part, not good. But I’ve been averaging around 145/88 for ages, for as long as I’ve been drinking heavily. But enough about that.

My blood pressure will drop dramatically in the next few days, to normal levels again I suspect, just as it did the last time I quit drinking. Oh, I can hear the snickers….”Nelson, you’re going to actually quit drinking? Sure, right buddy!!!”.

Right. Well, that’s the plan, Stan. My new plan. Er…my newest plan of all the plans that I’ve planned and failed miserably at — except for a few years ago. Check back there in my posts and I did sober up for almost a year. I blame Covid for derailing me. Hey, it was a good excuse, I thought I was doomed.

Anyway, I’ve continued to see a very good therapist for many years. I have a top-notch addictions doctor I’m working with recently. She’s given me Gabapentin to take to help with the inevitable insomnia I get when I cut back. So far so good! I’m down from 6 to 4 over the last few days. I hope to be down to 2 or 3 within a few days, then to zero by the end of the week — then back on the Antabuse for as long as I need.

I’m going to do it this time, folks. I’ve had enough. I’m 64 years old and I don’t want to waste any more of my time or God given gifts going forward. I feel healed enough within myself to let go of the alcohol again, and hopefully once and for all.

This I plan. This I hope. This I pray.

See you there.

Nelson

Posted on June 13, 2023September 10, 2023 by Nelson · 5 Comments

Life in the balance…

Ha ha! Life in the balance! I haven’t been doing so well lately. Plans gone awry. Life gone oopsy. The negative outweighing the positive for far…too… long. For example; a couple months ago I got my Covid-19 booster shot. Lucky me, I was one of the very rare few who ended up losing their sense of smell and taste from it, gall darn it! For some, that might be a minor thing. For me — oh no. I’ve always been hyper-sensitive. To suddenly lose my sense of smell and taste has been HUGE. Depressingly huge. So much so, it added to my already dismal outlook on life these days, such that, just like that picture above is showing, I’ve been feeling my life has been in the balance lately.

I mean, having virtually no sense of taste and smell for the last 2 months just piled on the crap that’s already heaped way up there. So, I’ve been weighing my pro’s and con’s, lately…and the con’s have been out-weighing the pro’s folks. Well, look at me. I started this blog in 2009, with high-hopes of being free of the drink within a few years, and here we are 14 years later. WTF!?

Yep, I’ve been close to giving up the race recently. But glory be, Dan — my Baptist minister friend, his prayers were partly answered today. While my sense of smell and taste has been very slowly recovering in the last 2 months, until this morning it had only recovered to about 25% of what it used to be! But today, that jumped right up to about 80%!!! You (or few) have no idea what that’s meant to me today! I had a couple extra beers to celebrate!!! Seriously, I did, but not more than my usual quick 6.

So with that little bit of glee and glory, I’m tipping the scales back into the positive zone and am back in the saddle to keep on truckin…dreamin to be free, hopeful again…and that’s a good thing, because I haven’t been camping in a good place lately. My last post here sort of illustrated just how off the wall I’ve been…

Anyway, glory be. I’m so grateful for today’s blessing. 🙏

Nelson

Update: Unfortunately the renewed sense of smell and taste only lasted the one day…..