Yup, I’m still here, and still drunk. Well, not as much as before. In fact, if all goes well, I’ll be off the bottle within the next couple of weeks.
I’m optimistic because I have had so much help from my therapist especially, but also my doctor, who has been so diligent to keep me accountable to her for my health. Well, I may have some heart issues arising, that may or may not be related to the booze. We’ll find out about that soon…
In the meantime, if there is anyone still here who used to follow me, things are looking good. Seriously. I’ll be posting more over the next few weeks, of course.
Well, I have made progress! I managed to get myself down to just 3 drinks per day over a span of 5 days! Unbelievable. I…er…was…feeling so much better, sleeping better, my blood pressure normalized – total win!
Then, well, then I should have taken the Antabuse one day and been done with it, but I hesitated. I think my old psychological nemesis Jerry reared his ugly head and said I should just go out and have one more night on the town, and THEN do it. So I did it. The night on the town, that is.
So, I’m not back to square one! Not quite. I’ve learned from this experience. Now I know when to jump and take the Antabuse. And so, ok, it’s going to take me another week or so to “get back on the program”. MY program, not AA’s. I’m ok with that. I’ve been working at this MF for years – another week or two won’t kill me – I hope.
But it could, of course, kill me. I know that. I’ve seen many people taken by alcoholism, during my tenure. I’m one of the lucky ones, so far. God help me.
Ha ha! Life in the balance! I haven’t been doing so well lately. Plans gone awry. Life gone oopsy. The negative outweighing the positive for far…too… long. For example; a couple months ago I got my Covid-19 booster shot. Lucky me, I was one of the very rare few who ended up losing their sense of smell and taste from it, gall darn it! For some, that might be a minor thing. For me — oh no. I’ve always been hyper-sensitive. To suddenly lose my sense of smell and taste has been HUGE. Depressingly huge. So much so, it added to my already dismal outlook on life these days, such that, just like that picture above is showing, I’ve been feeling my life has been in the balance lately.
I mean, having virtually no sense of taste and smell for the last 2 months just piled on the crap that’s already heaped way up there. So, I’ve been weighing my pro’s and con’s, lately…and the con’s have been out-weighing the pro’s folks. Well, look at me. I started this blog in 2009, with high-hopes of being free of the drink within a few years, and here we are 14 years later. WTF!?
Yep, I’ve been close to giving up the race recently. But glory be, Dan — my Baptist minister friend, his prayers were partly answered today. While my sense of smell and taste has been very slowly recovering in the last 2 months, until this morning it had only recovered to about 25% of what it used to be! But today, that jumped right up to about 80%!!! You (or few) have no idea what that’s meant to me today! I had a couple extra beers to celebrate!!! Seriously, I did, but not more than my usual quick 6.
So with that little bit of glee and glory, I’m tipping the scales back into the positive zone and am back in the saddle to keep on truckin…dreamin to be free, hopeful again…and that’s a good thing, because I haven’t been camping in a good place lately. My last post here sort of illustrated just how off the wall I’ve been…
Anyway, glory be. I’m so grateful for today’s blessing. 🙏
Nelson
Update: Unfortunately the renewed sense of smell and taste only lasted the one day…..
Not hormones plural, actual. Singular…as was the street-person whom I met through my work many years ago whose nickname was, “Hormone”. I was told he was taking hormones to become more like a she than a he. It was working. I respected his choice, although didn’t understand it, and didn’t need to. I was just 19 then. This was 45 years ago folks! It isn’t a new thing!
And not hemorrhoids plural either. Also singular, which I awakened to this morning, or rather “discovered” during my shower. A quick Google search afterwards told me it was a normal age thing. Oh great. At least it’s not an alcohol related thing! Whoopee. One consolation.
Last night I drank only 4 cans of cider. THAT, was progress. I had insomnia till almost 2 AM, of course. My addictions doc told me to take extra Gabapentin, that it would for sure help. Ah…NO. I’m not expecting miracles. BUT — just having the 4 cans of cider WAS…..ok, not miraculous, but progress — a step in the right direction. I plan to do the same tomorrow. I didn’t today. Gotta keep things in the balance, ya know, so to speak.
But…I do plan to keep this up. I’m determined to beat this damn beast before it kills me. Seriously. I know I’ve been saying this for years, but I’m still working at this folks. I suppose I better cause my times running out, as might be my liver, which I’ll find out about soon. I’ve been too busy with work to book the ultrasound appointment that my addictions doc wants me to get, but plan to in the next week or so. Really.
That’s it for today. I’m so tired from such little sleep last night. Tomorrow is another day, another start to the rest of this one drunks tale….
Checking in — room service please! Wow, I inserted an image. Progress! On one front at least. As for the rest of the fronts, no progress at all, I’m sorry to report. No surprise there, ha! I’m still a drinkin…stinkin drinkin like usual. My vaca time was a bust, although I did start going back to the gym! First time since Covid started 3 years ago! Believe it or not, I considered just that an accomplishment for this time off. I’ve been Covid-paranoid, and still am, but decided that I can’t hide under a rock at this stage of my life so what the hell. I’m glad I did. I feel so much better with the exercise. I’ve even gained 2 pounds of muscle mass back in just 3 weeks. That IS an accomplishment in my books.
As for the booze. I snoozed, I loosed…(screw grammar…it rhymes). It don’t matter what I choose, I’m bound to lose, it seems. Oh…and I did get my blood work done. My liver enzyme count is almost twice what it was a year ago (266 Gamma-GT now…41+ is considered high). Not good. My addictions doctor, who I did see, wants me to go for an abdominal ultrasound now, to see if my fatty-liver has progressed to cirrhosis. Could be, but not likely, since I haven’t increased my drinking in the past year, but…who knows. So, that’s on my agenda…get the abdominal ultrasound done in the next week or two.
Other than that, ok, I am feeling more run-down lately….hmmmm. Probably just the weather, except we’ve been having fabulous weather here in the Pacific Northwest lately. Too good, in fact. No rain for weeks. Forest fires are raging across the country, but not here on the West Coast yet…YET. But we don’t need to talk about the weather.
It’s almost 9 pm…I’m tired. I was going to drink less today. I said the same thing every day for the past month. Did I drink any less? No. Actually, I drank more. Figure that. Well, I can figure that. I know, I know…..I know. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow. So said the deadman.
A no bullshit insight into my life without alcohol! Here you will find the truth about my one year experiment giving up the booze. The trials and tribulations of giving up alcohol in the 21st century and leading a happy alcohol free life. Here you will read real observations from my own sweet perspective and I hope I can inspire you to kick the booze and lead a happier more fulfilling life!
One Drunk's Tale 